Balance What Matters and Let Go of the Rest

Friday, July 27, 2012

Quiver Full



Him: So we’ve got a grip of kids. And let me tell you that out of the gate, this was not what I had in mind. If you would have asked me before having kids how many I wanted, I would have responded with two… maybe three, but five was never even a consideration. I think I looked at kids like most people do. I saw having children as a season that was part of every married couple’s life. I thought of playing with my kids in the yard, teaching them to ride a bike and taking them to my favorite childhood places. But never did I think of them as work. There was never the thought that they would interfere with what I had going on. In fact, the very idea of only having two (maybe three) was probably my own selfishness- not wanting to base every decision on what was best for my family. For example, vacationing in one hotel room doesn’t work with seven, vehicle options have been whittled down to minivan or giant SUV, we don’t fly anywhere, it only takes one breakfast to destroy a box of cereal, new shoes for all of us can easily cost over $500 (which will inevitably soar as they get older), the absolute cheapest we can eat out is Taco Bell for around $22 (a modest restaurant with soft drinks and an appetizer comes to around $50 after tip), any interest (gym, running, reading, etc.) that I have consumes the time when my kids are asleep- usually before sunup. Then there are all the teaching moments (which I definitely enjoy but they take time), hobbies that I just don’t have time for, vacations that are nowhere near the budget, toys that need to be fixed, fights to be broken up, spills to be cleaned… the list goes on.

But after having one, three was no longer a maybe. And although I’d like to say that I was open to it right away, over time God changed my heart to the idea of more. I understood and appreciated the wisdom of Psalm 127:3-5. My quiver was coming into focus as He dealt with my selfishness. No longer was the perfect little suburban American lifestyle going to be my reality. Now don’t get me wrong, I am very much an American and I happen to live in the suburbs, but much of the cultural norm around me has been fading as God reveals more of His wisdom and plan for my life.

The more I hear statistics about divorce rates and families having fewer and fewer children I become bothered by the realization that these norms are creeping into the church. Couples are deciding for themselves the number of children they want without even consulting their creator. They are looking first, as I once did, at how their worldly lifestyle and personal comfort would be affected by more children.  Typically, such decisions are justified by, “we can give our children a better life if we only have a few” or “we can only afford college tuition for two” or “we don’t have enough patience for that”. We must be asking Christ to lead us in our decision making and understand that every excuse we make is driven by selfishness. I recently read the following statement by Al Mohler, “Christians must recognize that this rebellion against parenthood represents nothing less than an absolute revolt against God’s design.” Sound harsh? The truth sometimes is.

We know the greatest commandment to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul” but we seem to interpret that to exclude all your lifestyle. That commandment was not delivered with exceptions- except when your finances may be affected or as long as you’re able to maintain your Saturday morning golf ritual… except when it cramps your style. Serving Christ by being obedient to fill your quiver is not about income or convenience.  Does this mean everyone is called to have a pile of kids? Maybe not, but I encourage you to seek God’s direction in this area with a soft heart ready to hear his voice while putting your personal agenda aside.
For now, we’re very happy with five… very busy… very tired, but very happy. For now, we’re right where we feel God telling us to be. But if God’s plan is to continue blessing us, who are we to rebel?

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