Bubble Bath

Him:
When we had our first child we had one little bundle to pour all of our time and energy into. Then with the second that time, naturally, was split between the two. Now with five, there just isn't enough time to do some of the things that were once habitual. On top of that, the interests of the older girls have changed from baby and toddler games to more grown-up activities.

So, Allison was out for the evening and I needed to get all the kids bathed. And it hit me that I had never given Brooklyn a bubble bath. As I drew the bath and started dumping in the soap, she was confused. Then, as the bubbles started forming almost instantly, her face lit up. She wasn't so sure what was going on but she was thrilled. When I told her to get in… more confusion and more excitement.

I'm recommitting myself to the things that bring joy to each of them. Today, we paint fingers and toes. 
Not every night or even every week, but, bubble baths are going to become habitual in our house again.

Pushing the ‘Magic’ Button

Him:
A couple weeks ago was my 33^rd birthday and I could think of nothing better than to spend it with my family so I took the day off work. Since it was a Monday and we were down to the final weeks of our annual passes it was time to see Mickey again. I have to tell you, I have memories of Disneyland as a kid, my coonskin hat and Davey Crockett rifle, the Jungle Boat, Pirates… the list goes on, but going with my kids reignites the memories and brings a new excitement that comes only from seeing the park through their eyes. This year we've visited over a dozen times which has allowed us to take in some things that we had overlooked in past years. We've watched more shows, meandered through more shops and discovered more of the magic that simply can't be experienced with a single trip.

I learned a few months ago about a 'magic button'- one that, when pushed, turns on the park. It starts the park music and announces: Welcome to Disneyland, the Happiest Place on Earth! Someone has to push it each morning when the crowds are first allowed in and I thought that someone should be me. This is not an advertised event. Most don't know about it and I'm going to leave out a few details to keep it that way. For me, this was exciting; I was intrigued and determined to make it happen.

For the last several visits we've made plans to get up early and be at the park entrance before opening so we could experience what most will never even hear about. We've made several attempts and failed miserably each time, not arriving anywhere near on time. Keep in mind, without traffic we live about an hour from Disneyland but that route takes us right through the heart of Los Angeles and when is there ever not traffic in LA?

Once, we even camped… in a tent and all- just across the street from the park. That was quite the experience. Camping in Anaheim is ill-advised. We heard traffic noise and sirens all night long. It was nothing like the typical tent ambience- crashing waves, wind whistling through the trees, even bears would have been welcomed this night. Allison and I were up all night; it was miserable, until sometime between 2:00 and 3:00 we crashed. Then around 5:00, we get a welcoming, farm style good morning from a ROOSTER! Yes, a rooster... in Anaheim and only a few yards from our campsite! That went on for about an hour but didn't phase the kids so we suffered through it until finally finding peace and a couple hours of sleep. Needless to say, there would be no button pushing for us this day.

So it's my birthday and this time we're making it happen. It started the night before. It felt like the night before a big game. We laid out all the gear (clothes for all the girls, snacks, water bottles, DVDs for the car, strollers) everyone was showered and all we had to do was wake up and hit the road. We woke up, loaded and left the house in record time. This was going to be the day. There was even time to stop by Starbucks for a quick caffeine fix. We got through LA with little traffic. It was an hour before opening and we were about 15 miles from Disneyland when I looked back to see Brooklyn's green face. It was only a couple weeks before when we were driving up the coast that I saw this face last, and that time it was evil- it resulted in a foul smell and an impromptu stop at Target for a new outfit in order to save the trip. This time, we reacted faster but the results were similar. We were still committed. We had tunnel vision and our goal was all we saw. Allison was on clean up duty and I was off for new gear for the three-year-old. In no time we were back on the road but uncertain of our chances to successfully complete the mission. 

We made it to the parking garage, then the tram, the front gate… it looked like everyone was already crowding past Main Street and into the park. 
We finally arrived at our destination to see one of the cast members pulling the device from its classified location… was it too late? He looked up and asked our girls, "would one of you like to push it?" As I looked at them, I saw excited faces each wanting a turn; only one could do it. But it was my birthday, so I did what I had to do. I turned to the three-year-old, "Brooklyn, you wanna push it?" Her eyes lit up and she stepped into position. Mission accomplished! Brooklyn's day was made… and so was mine.

Rules: To Be Followed or Broken?

Her: I love to follow the rules. From street signs, little signs on buildings, teachers in school, any rule I am on it. Why drive 65? Because the sign says. Rules like no parking, no food or drink, stay on the path, do not remove tag. Yes, I've been known to sneak snacks in a movie theater and drive over the speed limit once in a while but generally if there is a rule I follow it!

Him: Rules are more guidelines than requirements. You have to look at the intent. When a sign says, "No Running in the Hall" what it really means is- no falling and breaking yourself only to come back and sue us. So, of course, I run in halls- with or without the sign- but I don't turn around and sue someone because I'm a klutz (which I'm certainly not, of course). And don't get me started on monopolies like movie theaters that rip me off because they can. Seriously, an $8 soda? What, is it laced with cocaine? That soda cost them all of twenty cents and they think it's cool to make 4000% profit on it. Why do I sneak in snacks? Because I can.

Her: But the rule says no. Not if you feel like it or maybe. It's pretty definitive don't you think? And what if you get caught? Isn't that just the worst feeling? Everyone will know you were naughty!

Him: What feeling? Naughty? You lost me! I get feelings… feelings like, why do I have to stop at this light, it's 2:00AM and there's not a car on the road, red light, really?!?! Or…I don't need some 15 year old life guard telling me I can't dive into six feet of water, I've been doing it for years, haven't hit my head yet.

Her: Ouch! My head is hurting just at the thought!

Him: I guess I must concede; there are a few rules that have merit… a few that actually bear logic. They all start the same…Thou shalt not…

Hypocrite or Human

Her: Looking at our life in our adorable 5 little monkeys photos we may appear put together. Troy is notorious for cuddling me and the kids so at times we look like the syrupy, cuddling family with five adorable girls who obey perfectly. But this is not reality.

Troy and I are no strangers to conflict, with each other, the kids, family, friends, you name it. At times (or most of the time depending on the month) we feel lost and hopeless. We are not "good people". We struggle in our marriage and our kids do really naughty things like cut the babysitter's hair when she's not looking (the 4th kiddo in case you were curious). Worse than that we continue to sin, sometimes perpetually, and definitely often. Our sin grates on the nerves of those closest to us and sometimes those who have distanced themselves as well. We are humbled by our sinfulness daily but desire to look more like Christ. The good news is: We have an amazing God. A God who upholds us, sanctifies us, and loves us unconditionally. That is the God we are trying to serve. Thanks to His grace some days are good but most days are wrought with thoughts of "me" and "mine" and "I want" and "I have to have" and that's just Troy and I, not the kids!

In our continuous struggle toward godliness, God has given us tools which have sustained us, tools that we would be fruitless without. We desire to pass along those tools to anyone who will listen; because without them, we don't know where we would be . . . not anywhere good that's for sure! Troy and I are still on a path of growth (sometimes one step forward and two steps back). We haven't peaked, NOT EVEN CLOSE. We are excited for the journey God has us on. We are excited about learning more about Him. As we learn more we will share more.

We know that the wake of our sinfulness has splashed in the direction of those around us, some have been sprinkled and some have been drenched. To all of you, we're sorry. Please be patient with us as we navigate our way. Please walk with us as we grow together.

My Most Recent Revelation

Her:  In my marriage, like most marriages, we have our ups and downs. Sometimes we function like a well oiled machine and sometimes it's like the engine ceased up with no fix in sight. Being married now for 11+ years I know that we will eventually be back in motion but, in the moment, that's not enough to comfort me. I am overwhelmed with grief and scramble for answers.

I like to work. It is one of my most valuable traits. I hope that lazy will NEVER define me. In a disagreement I also want to work, hence the phrase "work it out", right? I think and talk and try to convince and try to understand, not resting until I have reached resolution (with my husband at least, with everyone else I am a "runner" but that's a topic for another day). This is all fine and well, successful at times, downright annoying for my husband at other times. But none of this actually has anything to do with my revelation.

What I realized that I am missing in those moments or hours, days or weeks is . . . just being nice. So, I may be right and my hubby may be wrong or vice versa (rarely, but it does happen… sometimesJ). But, does it really matter if I am right? Maybe I have asked my husband to do something a number of times. He has agreed he will do it but never actually does. When do I get to be rude and snap at him? Never. And, that's it. Pretty simple but has escaped my knowledge bank until our last engine ceasing moment. Sorry hubby!

Ephesians 4:26a – "In your anger do not sin"

Why Five?

Her:  Out anywhere with five little ducklings in tow, comments are inevitable. We've heard them all . . . from you are so blessed to I'm sorry . . . the comments are endless. Oh yes, and my favorite, "Are you done having kids, yet?" This comment coming from friends and family is understandable, but, from a complete stranger at a grocery store and laced with judgment, a bit awkward to say the least. I never really have anything clever to say. The truth is we would consider it. We are tired (perpetually) and it's hard (constantly) but we love it. Maybe we will birth more, or adopt, or foster but the fact is we would love to have children in the Tucker house for a long time. Sometimes I get all smiley when I think of no more diapers, or sleeping through the night, or even a moment to myself. But, I know this is our mission and I wouldn't have it any other way. They are precious, amazing gifts. Each one different, complex and intriguing. Their joy is my joy, their sadness is my sadness, their love is priceless.

The other day I was trying to do a good mommy thing by making everyone hot chocolate. First the three year old spilled ALL over the carpet; then, the one year old followed suit by pulling someone else's cup over her head (not hot, by the way, just messy). I silently cleaned up the mess while trying not to let my irritation show and then it happened. I was putting a new outfit on the littlest one and she lifted her chubby leg to help me for the first time. Ah, adorable. My frustration melted away and joy returned. We have given up so much to have this many children- money, time, and here and there our sanity, but, it is nothing compared to what we've gained.

Side note: When most people talk about their kids they refer to them by name but with 5 it gets a little tricky. Without fail, mid-story, we get interrupted with the question, "now which one is that?" So Troy started numbering them by birth order and only referring to them by name to our close friends. We will carry on the tradition in our blog. Here is a quick summary of each of them before labeling begins:

Our Oldest - Raegan, age 9: Feisty and sensitive all wrapped into one, thoughtful and imaginative, if you want someone to listen and care she's your girl

Our 2nd - Kamryn, age 7: High energy, direct and confident, captivating and capable, if you want someone to get things done she's your girl






 

Our 3rd - Ashlyn, age 6: Silly and smart as a whip, cheerful, unpredictable - always surprising us, if you want to giggle she's your girl

Our 4th - Brooklyn, age 3: Complete trouble with a smile that gets her out of trouble, one spunky firecracker, if you want a buddy she's your girl

Our Youngest - Maryn, age 1: Mellow, calm and happy, daring but content, if you want to snuggle she's your girl

Manhood: Introduction

Him:  Our culture has had a large influence on the role that men are perceived to be required to play. We are the bread-winners; we don't take care of the home. We do the yard work (maybe); we don't do the dishes. We take the kids to their practices or games; we don't help them with their school work or get involved with shaping who they become. Our domain is the TV room and the garage; the rest of the house is our wife's responsibility.

All these and more are lies that we've allowed to become reality. Manhood is much more than compartmentalizing what we prefer to be involved in. I'm going to attempt to dive deeper into this in the coming weeks and offer some practical tips for being the man you were intended to be. See the post below for more on leading your family.

Manhood: Be the Leader of Your Team

Him:  I spent a lot of time while growing up competing in various sports. I participated in numerous tournaments and post seasons gathering several championship titles and even garnering a handful of personal awards. I came to understand the meaning of team very well- camaraderie, goal setting, communication, decision making, conflict, problem solving, hard work and sacrifice. When one member failed the others had to be there to pick up the slack. When the team struggled and lost its rhythm a leader had to dig deep and find it. The leader put his team before himself and did whatever it took, dragging himself and everyone with him if needed, to accomplish the goal at hand.

(Photo by Trisha Lawson Photography)

As a husband and father I'm on another team now and I'm its leader. When my wife or any of our five girls are hurting or in need my role is to lead them through it and they've come to count on me for this. Men, this is true for each of you. It's often easy for us to think that our responsibilities start and stop with providing for our families monetarily- a roof over their heads and food on the table. We trudge through the nine to five and return home exhausted day after day with the couch on our minds- or maybe it's the golf course, the gym, you name it. Paul tells us in Ephesians 5 that we are to give ourselves up for our wives just as Christ did for the church. Our marriages should mirror the gospel message. Now tell me when the last time was that you put aside your TV time or hobby for her, much less chose to be crucified.


This week make it your goal to lighten her load. Pick a task that is normally on her plate and make it your own. Forgo hitting your favorite chair when you get home and join her in the kitchen. Ask her what her goals are for the week and work with her to accomplish them. Play with your kids. Do more than suffer through the painful stories that seem to take an eternity for them to spit out- engage them. This is your team now and you are their leader. If they fail to perform to their potential, find out why, pick them up, give them the tools to succeed.

All those trophies, medals, awards from my past…they're in a box somewhere in the garage. But what I learned along the way is transferable to the role I'm in now. My family's here to stay and our goal is a much larger prize- eternity.

Planning vs. Spontaneity

Anyone who knows Troy and I well knows that we love to banter. It's our way of laughing off our differences - annoying to some but hilarious to us.  Here's a little taste . . .


Him: I love to get up on a Saturday morning before my wife and kids, sometimes before the sun, and put in a few miles while the rest of the world is asleep. By the time I get home my family is usually awake and about their business – breakfast in p.j.'s, the three year-old is brushing up on her Spanish with Dora, the oldest three are building a fort out of blankets in the living room and the baby is back and forth checking up on everybody like she owns the place. This is all music to my ears. All I need is a quick shower, breakfast on the back patio with my wife, and I'm ready to pack the car and get out for the day. We've got great hiking all around us as near as a couple blocks away, the beach is about a 30 minute drive, and both Santa Barbara and LA are within an hour. Time to be spontaneous and get away for the day.

How to Ruin a Morning

Her:  Decide that everyone is trying to torture you and ruin your life.  Then yell at everyone in your path . . . Now your day is ruined and so is everyone else’s plus you’re heart races for a really long time from the adrenaline of being psycho.

How to start your day right.

Pray. Read the Word. Think, “Maybe somebody has a logical reason for doing the thing that is annoying you so badly”.  Get over yourself.

Gonna try my own advice tomorrow.

Why Blog?

Him:  So we're now part of the blogging world and, I must say, excited to be here! As many of you know we were high school sweethearts- sickening, I know- and now have five beautiful daughters who we share our hearts with. Five Girls, you say? Yes, five, all girls, no boys, and no, we're not trying for a boy. We've been fielding these and many more questions for years now that range from, "how do you do it?" to "are you crazy?"

Why Balance?

Her:  We came up with the name, The Balancing Act, because, to us, that's what life is. There is no way to do life perfectly. It's impossible. We know. We've tried it! Troy and I are both perfectionists in our own ways. We can be hard on ourselves, hard on each other, and hard on everyone else. Our plan for life: Get married, finish college, have kids, be successful, get rich and do everything perfectly. Oh, and in that sentence successful and rich are synonymous. Anyone with me?