Parenting: Part II - Grace

Her:  I have been overwhelmed trying to write this blog.  The topic of grace is something that I have been learning and growing in for the past few years and I still can’t say that I have completely wrapped my head around the concept.  But, I will share what God has taught me so far. 

Years ago I let go of the world to walk with the Lord.  I let go of being good enough, wise enough, together enough in the world’s eyes.  To some I am still a messy flake to others a neurotic control freak.  You can’t please everyone- it’s too much effort and completely exhausting.

Unfortunately, I transferred my effort into making God happy.  My goal was to be good enough, wise enough and together enough for God. Perfect mom, perfect wife, perfect disciple.  What a complete waste of my efforts because it turns out I am already enough!  I am God’s child and he loves me unconditionally.  I don’t have to do or be anything. He already died on the cross and has given me his grace.

I read this scripture today that solidified this truth to me.   I’ve heard it a million times but it completed rocked my world:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
    and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
    and he will make straight your paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6

So, I just have to love him and trust him and he’s got the rest handled.  WOW! And this next scripture blew me away even more:

“However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me - the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.”

Acts 20:24

We get to rest in the Lord Jesus and tell others the good news.  Well, I am in! No need to try and be perfect anymore.  YAY!

How, you may ask, does this apply to your parenting? Here is an excerpt from an amazing book I am reading called Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus by Elyse Fitzpatrick & Jessica Thompson. It sums up this topic perfectly:

  

“This is faith. In the same way that you trust in him [God] and not in yourself for your salvation, you can trust in him for the salvation of your children.  You can give yourself grace: he’s in control, he is loving, his plan is best.  And you can give your children grace, too.  Parenting with grace isn’t another set of rules for you to follow.  It’s a story that you’re to rejoice in.  Share the story with your children.  Show them the Savior.  Show them Jesus. Dazzle them with his love.”

We are nothing without him.  He is everything to us. Let’s make sure that we don’t just receive God’s amazing grace in our lives, but we also pass that grace on to our precious little kiddos. 

Until next time rest on this scripture:

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

2 Corinthians 12:9

Manhood: Plug In

Him: So in all my busyness lately I’ve realized that although I’m present in body my mind is many times elsewhere. This is never more true, and perhaps more damaging, than when I’m with my family. There are so many stressors in my everyday life – work, finances, projects, vacation planning, this blog – that it can be difficult to enjoy the very reason that I put up with all these: to enjoy time with my family.
Rather than reinvent the wheel, I wanted to share something I recently came across at thankgoditsmonday.com

Showing Up
Ellen Galinsky, author of Ask the Children— What America’s Children Really Think About Working Parents, asked children what they would change about how their parents’ work affects their lives.
She also asked the parents what they thought their kids would say. Fifty percent of parents predicted that the child’s top choice would be to have more time together.
Guess again.
In fact, only 10-15 percent of kids said they would like more time with their parents. Contrast this with the 34 percent of kids who said what they want most is for their parents to be less stressed. Only 2 percent of parents guessed that this would be their child’s highest priority.
It’s not more of our time that our kids want but rather our vivaciousness—to be fully alive and enthusiastic wherever we are at any moment.
So do you fully show up wherever you are—or are you quasi-committed? Sometimes we have good intentions but just never get there.
Are you the kind of parent who talks about balance and blames your employer for pulling you away from your kids, yet has the television on while you’re with them?
Splitting your attention two or three or five ways all the time is the surest way to cheat each and every one of those parts of your life. Balance means living fully wherever you are—being fully present to your friends when with your friends, with your kids when with your kids, with your spouse when with your spouse, and at work when you’re at work.
If you’re thinking about your bowling league during the budget meeting, your numbers might be off. If you’re trying to figure out your fantasy league draft picks while you’re playing catch with your son, you might take one on the kisser—AND draft a third-rate running back. And that would be called justice.
Some of the best parents work fifty hours a week or more and are amazingly connected with their children in extremely functional ways. Some of the worst parents are stay-at-home mothers or fathers who watch television all day—know every soap opera, sleep through most of the day, and yell when their kids interrupt by asking a question.
Resolve today to make a commitment to be where you’re at, one hundred percent. When you’re at work, be productive in knowing exactly what the company objectives are.
Balance is about fully showing up wherever you are and deciding to enjoy being there. And that, like everything else in life, starts with a decision and continues with practice.

The Emmerich Group® • 8050 Washington Ave. S., Suite 100, Eden Prairie, MN

Health and Fitness

Him: When I played football in college I was a lean, mean 195 pounds. My body was like a machine and could perform almost any command I threw at it. I spent hours perfecting form, building strength and developing my agility. But in the last 10+ years I’ve found myself spending a lot more time at a desk and a lot less time tuning the machine that I once was. I'm about 15 pounds heavier and a lot softer. My family has doubled in size… almost three times. Priorities have changed and I don’t find myself in the gym, on the court, or making the moves on defenders that used to provide such a rush- I lived to break down a would be tackler and slide past him for a big gain.

There are times when I get the opportunity to lace up my cleats and when that happens I’m like a giddy little kid again. Only when I take that first step, it’s not explosive like it used to be, my head knows how to set up a defender but my body struggles to execute as I feel my feet stumble. Getting old is humbling but being out of shape just adds insult to injury. I get that I may be past my prime, that I may never dunk a basketball again, that someday a fit 17 year old is going to break my ankles but I’m not going down without a fight.

Allison and I are putting together a few fitness goals and to meet them we’ll be developing individual training plans. Gone are the days where I spent 2+ hours a day in a gym. This plan will incorporate things we enjoy doing that also provide great fitness benefits and as a bonus won’t steal us away from family too long. In fact, many of them will include family- we all hike together, my girls run with me (a great daddy-daughter date), obstacles courses in the backyard (I’m excited to start including the pool in this now that it’s warming up), and many others.

As we continue to work out our goals and a plan to get there we’ll share. We hope to help you think outside the box a little. This means getting off the couch, out of the house (sometimes not),  putting technology and social media aside for a short while and investing in your health... stay tuned, there’s more to come!

Kid cuteness to make you smile!

Her:  Ok, so kids do cute things. Sometimes they do those things over and over and over for months straight and then never do them again. There are so many cute things that my kids have done that I honestly can’t remember.  So I've decided to make an effort to document the cuteness so I will never forget.

                                                Our fifth child has a chair. . .

It's made for a doll but she thinks it’s hers and squeezes herself into it... 

...sometimes she's successful...

...and sometimes she's not!

 

But no matter the outcome, it's just so darn cute!

Delicious Roasted Veggies!

 

Her:  After having my third child I became burdened with symptoms unable to be relieved by modern medicine.  My illness became more and more debilitating and it was overwhelming to think I may never feel good again.  After asking for help from many different physicians without success, I began my own journey to discover ways to heal my body. This led me to eating healthier and I feel amazing!  I am about 90% healed which is awesome.  In the past six years I have discovered a love for all things healthy.  Here is my food strategy: Think about what you are putting into your body, pray about it, take it seriously.  God only gave you one body, treat it well.

So here is one of the healthy and downright delicious recipes that have become a staple in our home.

 

This time I used beets, carrots, rutabaga, red bell peppers and fennel.  But, you can also use potatoes, onions, or any other veggies that sound yummy! 

I diced up the veggies, tossed them in olive oil and minced garlic then laid them out on a cookie sheet.

I then sprinkled the veggies with salt and pepper put them in the oven at 450 degrees for 40 minutes.  I stirred the veggies once at about 20 minutes.  You can broil the veggies for a couple minutes at the end if they still look wet.

 

 

And, ta-dah!  Yummy veggies!  They are great as a side dish or here in a burrito with black beans and cheese!

Why Her?

Some people obsess about finding “the one”, others talk about destiny (more on this in another entry); for me, I can do nothing but express how appreciative I am that God allowed our paths to cross… over and over again. Allison and I first met (not sure that we actually met but I knew who she was and I’m certain she knew of me) in eighth grade. At that time, had someone told me that I would one day marry the skinny girl with braces and long curly hair I would have began a ten point argument for why they belonged in an asylum. I say this only because we didn’t seem to have a single thing in common, at least on the surface. Our paths never crossed- we had no classes together or friends in common.

During our freshman year of high school this changed. We landed in an Honors English class together and that class teamed us up with a couple others for a group project. All seemed to be going well until the day of the presentation when I refused to wear her dad’s twenty year old 70’s bell-bottoms and flowered shirt for a reenactment of Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar, hippy style. My logic- we had a substitute that day and the costume would be a waste of my effort. Her logic- who am I kidding? no logic, just plain, old, unadulterated disdain. She hated me for my stubbornness.

Fast-forward two years. We’re both juniors and again find ourselves in the same Honors English class together and, once again, we’re partners for a group project. This time the groups were made up of two. All I can think about is how livid she had been the year before and how I’m now “stuck” with her for the next several weeks. For these several weeks our paths merged and almost became one. We were forced to sit together in class to work on the project. We talked in the halls after class- we had four other classes together too. We exchanged phone numbers so we could coordinate the various tasks that the project required. 

In all this communication a friendship began to form, until, the night before the project was due, we had our last run through of things over the phone and said good-bye. Not more than two minutes went by when I realized that I missed her voice. I called her back and asked her, “What are you doing tonight?” Her response, “Something with you.”

What had started as an improbable relationship developed into impossible before the two of us became inseparable. Before long, I counted her my best friend and it was clear at that point that I could not let her get away. Come to find out we had so much more in common than we had ever imagined and thank God, He allowed our paths to cross… again and again. In July of 2000 I chose her to be my wife and I continue to choose her every day. What God knew would be the perfect gift for me, a partner to stand by my side and journey through life with, took this dumb bloke almost four years to realize.

The English project- we aced it… and many, many other tasks that we’ve teamed on over the past 15 years.

Why Him?

Her: Why did I pick Troy?  Well look at him, ladies!  No, I picked him for a few more reasons than he was the captain of the football team . . . ok, a lot more.   

 When I met Troy I was lost.  Only sixteen at the time, I didn’t know who I was or really where I was going.  I was like a kite blowing in the wind not knowing which direction would bring me the joy I was looking for.  I made choices previously that failed miserably and swore off boys completely.  But Troy was different.  He was a rock.  He didn’t sway in the wind.  He didn’t even move at all.  He knew who he was and where he was going, not to be led away by anyone or anything.  I flew while he anchored me and we became best friends. 

At twenty-one, I had the joy of marrying this amazing man and getting a partner for life.  Over the years we’ve had our ups and downs.  My best friend has let me down and broken my heart on more than one occasion but he is still the rock I was once drawn to.  I have often wished I could move that rock just an inch or so one direction or another to serve my purposes.  Those attempts are rarely successful.  But, then a crisis rolls in and I run straight back to that rock I once tried to move. And, there he is, in the same place he’s been for over sixteen years – right by my side. 

 

Good Morning and Good Night!

Her: Troy and I set a goal of blogging three times a week.   Lately, life has gotten in the way of documenting life so we resolved to wake up this morning at 6:30 a.m. to produce something creative and exciting for all of you.   Last night after settling into bed about 11:00 p.m., I heard my first feverish kiddo crying in her room.   I got up, gave her medicine and a glass of chocolate milk, then I tucked her in and headed back to bed.   5:00 a.m. rolled around and the next child wandered feverishly into our bed.  5:25 a.m. - she throws up in our bed.   5:30 a.m. - next child woke up from the sound of the bath delirious and needing encouragement to get back to sleep.   5:45 a.m.  - coffee brewing, oatmeal cooking and day begins.  6:25 a.m. – Baby drinks off feverish sister’s sippy cup.  7:30 a.m. - biggest sister gives baby sister a bite off her spoon.   I think you can see where the rest of our week is going!

Just when we were feeling too busy we got a sick kiddo curve ball.  So I figured today I would share a scripture that has been rattling around in my brain all week:

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.   
2 Corinthians 12:9

Today I feel weak and overwhelmed.  But I am letting that all go. This day will be barren of checklist items completed but I will rest in the Lord. So good morning and good night. 

Manhood: Although Not Because

Him: There are many things in this world that I enjoy and some of those things I can even say that I love. I love them all for different reasons- the power of a fast car, the adrenaline of riding single track, the smell of my well worn baseball mitt. I love these because of an intrinsic value that each possess. Take away the power, adrenaline and smell and the car is just ordinary, the ride becomes boring and the mitt is just used up old sporting equipment. 

This is how, or maybe I should say why, we love most things- because. I love my wife this way. I love her because she’s so great to me, my best friend (and has been for 16 years), a terrific mother, beautiful, patient, caring... I could go on. But if all I do is love her because, what happens when she’s not so great to me, when her beauty fades, when she’s impatient? I’ll still love her, but I’ll love her although- although she doesn’t feel like my best friend, although she makes mistakes as a wife and mother, although she’s imperfect.

You see, most of the time my wife is great but there are times when she’s not. And I’ve made a commitment to her; you know the one- to love and to cherish, richer, poorer... till death parts us. So I choose to love her not because she cares for me but although in her moments of pain, weakness, misunderstanding, anger, frustration, you name it, I’m committed to her. She and I are one- two halves of a whole- a team.

Being loved although takes the pressure off to live up to expectations all the time. We’re all human and we’ll all make mistakes. Imagine the freedom you’d feel if you knew that no matter how you fail, you would still be loved. This is the freedom we are able to experience through Christ because of what He’s done for us. My goal is that, following His example, my wife and girls will experience this from me. Each day I wake up and strive to make a choice to love them although not because.

Screaming

Her:  Isn’t screaming awesome?  Especially coming from a 3 year-old who just got her toy taken away or my now 1 year-old whose favorite thing to do is scream.  Happy screams, sad screams, how freakin’ dare you get near me screams.  Awesome and relaxing.  It just makes my ears sooo happy.  Even more awesome is the ringing.  The ringing in the ears that lingers well after the scream is gone.  Here’s how to create the best scream ever:   Put the 3 year old in the same room with the 1 year old with only one sippy cup and just let the screaming ensue.  Ahhh… life.

Parenting: Part 1

Her: When our oldest child was a baby she was perfect, except that we had to change her diaper, seriously perfect! She was on a schedule, she slept through the night at two weeks (other than illness or teething), did great in restaurants, traveled well, didn't spit up, you name it. We were parenting pros! Or so we thought. We couldn't wait to have another baby so we got pregnant again when our oldest was 16 months. We were thrilled! And then it happened. Our oldest started this weird throwing a tantrum thing. You know that thing naughty children do. But I didn't have a naughty child. I had a good child because I was a good parent. And if she WAS a naughty child then, dare I say it, I was a bad parent. Uh, oh! This could be a problem.

So I went on a journey to fix this problem. Bad child = bad parent and good child = good parent so I must make my child good. And so I bribed, I cried, I pleaded, I begged, I screamed, and I yelled. But nothing made her good. Oh, and I failed to mention that we had our 2nd child and she had tummy trouble so she cried most of the first 8 months of her life. No schedule for her. It was brutal.

So in our house we had an angry two year old, an angry baby and definitely an angry mommy. Welcome home hubby! Desperate for answers we sought counsel from family, friends, elders, pastors, etc. Out of that came parenting lesson number 1: Parenting starts with you. It starts with your relationship with God. You will never be the parent you want to be without fixing your own sin. Your own sin stands in the way of your relationship with your children, how you guide them and what example you set for them.

What does this look like? If you yell at your kids they will meet you toe to toe. If you are inconsistent they will sniff you out in a heartbeat and pounce. If you're a complainer they will complain. If you are negative they will be negative. They are a reflection of you good or bad. Children are little beautiful beings desperate for protection, love, correction when needed, and direction. They are God's gift to you. Parent them accordingly.